two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
