so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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