I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
