There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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