Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
