Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
