did you get engaged???
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
