I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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