# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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