I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
