WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
