Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
