youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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