Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
