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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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