eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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