Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
