if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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