Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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