i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
