Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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