what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
