Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
