I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
