Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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