I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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