ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
