whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
