Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
