Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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