Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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