Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
