babies were throwing up all over the place
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
