I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
