I haven't been this sober since birth.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
