At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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