What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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