I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
