I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
