my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
