cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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