Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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