the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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