I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
