its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Never underestimate the power of titties
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