What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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