Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
