two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
