This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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