I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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