Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
