Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
