i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
