So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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