Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
