what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just had sex bonerless
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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