Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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