I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
