Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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