I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
