she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
